Sometimes the hardest goodbyes are the ones where you still feel their presence around—but can’t see them anymore.
The next morning felt empty.
The room was the same. The bed was the same. The walls still smelled new. But something had changed — my mom and sister had left.And that truth hit me hard like the Kota heat hitting your face at noon.
I remember opening my eyes and instinctively turning towards the second bed — the one where my mom slept during the first two nights and it was empty. Really empty. That was the first time I experienced what people call loneliness in a crowd. Because outside, hundreds of other students were probably doing the same thing — waking up, brushing their teeth, checking their timetables…but I felt like I was in a vacuum.
📚 First Orientation at Allen: So Many Faces, So Few Words
The day started with a quick breakfast at the mess. I barely ate. The food wasn’t bad, I just had that lump in my throat that refused to go away.
Then came the Allen orientation day. I put on my best salwar kurta (the one mom packed in the top shelf of my cupboard) and made my way to the academic block. It was buzzing with people…boys and girls from every corner of India. Some looked confident. Some looked sleepy. Most looked like they didn’t know what they were doing. Just like me.
They gave us an overview of what our schedule would look like classes, doubt sessions, tests, revisions. I remember writing everything down in my new diary like a serious nerd. I was still trying to believe I belonged there.
We collected books and all study materials along with our uniform… and let me tell u that time… after orientation I was back to normal and knew why I was there……..
😶 Strangers in the Corridor, Emptiness in the Mind
After orientation, I walked back to the hostel. Slowly. I was trying to memorize the streets, the smells, the shops nearby.
That evening, I finally opened my suitcase fully and began unpacking things properly. One by one. Mom had labelled so many of my things. My tiffin, my bedsheet set, even the slippers. I smiled and teared up at the same time.
The first night alone was quiet. And long. I kept staring at the phone, half-expecting mom to call again even though we had just spoken. I didn’t tell her I cried that night too. I just kept repeating Dad’s words in my head:
“You’re not alone. You’re growing. And growing hurts sometimes.”
📓 And So, Life at Allen Began…
That week, I started attending classes. The building felt huge, the teachers were fast, and the syllabus looked endless. But somewhere deep inside, a soft voice kept saying:
“One day at a time, Tanisha.”
Yes, I cried. Yes, I overate chocolates. Yes, I called my mom 3 times a day.
But I also showed up. To class. To myself.
💌 To Anyone Starting a New Life Alone…
If you’re someone stepping into a hostel, or chasing a dream far from home, let me tell you: you are not weak for feeling lonely. You are just human. And being human is brave.
👇 Let me know if you’ve ever experienced hostel life or cried alone in a new city — I’d love to hear your story too.
📝 Coming up next: My First Test at Allen & the Chambal River Sunset Story… because even during chaos, life found a way to be beautiful.
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I remember my first night truly alone without anyone I knew. I twenty years old and was a couple states away in US Army Basic Training in the fall of 1988. I had never felt so free and it was wonderful. That was the true beginning of me leaving the farm and building my own life. Thanks for reminding me of that nice memory!
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